Santa is real, and he and Jesus fight crime

http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/lgrin/2011/02/12/the-bankrupt-nihilism-of-our-fallen-fantasists/#idc-cover

If you get into the comments (and I can't blame you if you don't, it turns into a real circle jerk) they start bitching about women pushing "chick-lit", describing it as "novels for fat lesbians with cats" (classy), and ousting "real manly-man's fiction, rar!". But the article bitches out fantasy writers who do take a hyper-masculine, super violent approach, but don't end with a snuggle and say "everything'll be all right."
So: fantasy that focuses on personal relationships=bad. Fantasy that doesn't give the warm-fuzzies=bad. Tolkien and Howard, two admitted, admirable masters= good and super dead and done to fucking death.

I made dis! Yaaayyyuuuhhh

Get ready for some Stupid

http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/FireDavidGaider/

I have not played DA2 yet, so I can't respond to criticisms that the games sucks, is not hardkore enough (k intended, sirs and madams), or totally suxxors, lol.
Writing that last part killed me a little inside.
What I do know is that petitioner is angry about how gays are portrayed. He is likely gay himself (I don't typically get mad about fucking games that don't target me directly), and he feels the negative portrayal is firing-worthy.
Let's the back the crazy up a minute.
"This is the type of garbage that has people believe that gays shouldn't serve in the military. We are human beings that are the same as everyone else!"
The garbage that has people believe gays shouldn't serve in the military doesn't come from a game. It comes from insecurity, false facts, and general douchery. No one who has ever actually met a gay person believes that he or she will spend time in combat trying to get in your pants.
No, straight people are more likely to do that. Or at least pretend to do that. Let me explain. For four years, I attended an all-male school. For a while I worked in an all-male environment. In both places, I knew a total of three or four gay men. Yet there was homosexual innuendo all the time. Because straight people mess with each other. It's crazy, but saying "If you don't shut up, I will skull-fuck you," doesn't mean any real skull-fuckery will take place. We're just messed up, dudes. Women probably are too. I know that, in a single sex environment this sort of blatant - whatever, is rampant, whereas in mixed environments things are a lot calmer. By that I mean, I probably won't try to fake seduce a gay man (something I did - or said I did, when I remembered) when a woman is around. And I won't do it at all with someone I don't know well.
So, angry gay guy, think for a moment: you're playing a game with several gay party members, and in context their lives are constantly in danger. Does a pat on the ass or maybe even a smoochy face (anything short of them trying to fuck you, basically) really mean the game negatively portrays gays? Or is it that, in a relaxed, close-knit environment, we (straights, gays, bears, whatever) will fuck with each other in ways not dreamed of by God?

Are you the devil?

Early impressions of Amanda Hocking, the 26 yr-old independent author who made a shitload of money.

There's this line, from her book:
"Most likely, he was a damn sociopath,and for whatever reason, I found that endearing."
Which strikes me as retarded, lending credence to the reports that she's just writing Twilight-esque bullshit. Less paranormal romance; more paranormal bromance!

But there's this, from her blog:
"Platypi lactate and have venom."
Which strikes me as profound, and funny.
More to report as I delve deeper into madness.

Late Facts: If you don't know why the book line is dumb, consider A) way too many commas. She must have a hardon for 'em, which may not make sense. And B) sociopaths are neither diagnosed by teenagers, nor endearing. Unless you find Ted Bundy endearing (though judging by the success of Dexter, you might). 

The Constitution, by Ben Franklin

"Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of whores."

Washington: "Eh, Ben, it's... good. I don't want you to think I think it's bad.
Ben: Of COURSE it's not bad. What's wrong?"
W: Well, it's just this "pursuit" line. It's creepin', you know? You get me, Ben? It's too... Jack Ripper-y.
B: Umm... hmmm. But it's true. That's what we're founding on.
W: Well yeah, but maybe spruce it up, make it look real official. This isn't going in your goddam Almanac. This is big leagues.
B: What the hell does that mean?
W: Nothing, nothing. I love it. Gave me the best tomatoes I've ever had. Bastards're the size of my fists.
B: Goddam right.
W: But whattabout... "Happiness"? Yeah, I like it. "Pursuit of happiness", sounds real classy. And it means the same thing.
B: What about future generations?
W: What kind of fucked up future generations are we talking about? What well adjusted person wouldn't include whoring in their definition of happiness?

*I don't think this is part of the Constitution. It's probably the Declaration. I'd look it up, but this is a blog. Research is against my TOS. Plus, Futurama.

The Most Epic Thing

Sorry for the no updates. Unlikely to change. Meanwhile, may this tide you over.

Woody Harrelson's Firm Buttocks .

That's for YOU, Leonard.
Late Facts: There are too many love songs. This would not be a bad thing, if they did not all sound the same. Take "Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem. This is a love song. It is about refusing to let go of someone, admitting mistakes, but in a scary, almost psycho way. Which is interesting! Also, it feels more honest, like what two people might be like in such a situation (love turned sour) instead of the usual wailing. Cee-Lo Green also has an awesome anti-love song ("Fuck You") which I've mentioned before. But Eminem wins, because of the worst/best line ever: "Now you gotta watch her leave out the window, guess that's why they call it window pane/pain." That is fantastic. That line was divinely inspired.
Have you seen Christopher Walken perform a reading of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face"? Then go watch it on Youtube. It makes me hope that Sean Connery will someday give a dramatic reading of "Love the Way You Lie".

Super Late Facts: Jeremy sent me the new Thor trailer and it looks awesome. But then I saw it was in 3d. It will also be in 2d, but I have never seen a good movie that had 3d as an option. The makers seem to believe the audience will be wowed by images seeming to fly out and almost touch them, so the movie is a series of painfully awkward and contrived circumstances for just such a thing to happen. But I have hope, because it's Thor.