I destroy my butt to bring you these stories

Wait, no.

Pay no attention to the bear behind the curtain

I changed jobs (sort of), and recording the podcast has changed. I'm trying to make it more streamlined, so I can say "I need this-this, that, done," rather than thinking up sixty things for the News, and no rants. Meanwhile, actually doing the podcast suffers a bit. I've set it up so I record the whole thing Wednesdays, but I'm still getting used to this schedule, so if my brain forgets and decides to dick around all day, nothing gets done. I'll have a story up later today, and podcastin' will resume next week, and in the meantime I wanted to talk to you about something important.

Superman

Superman has bugged me for a while. Batman knows all kinds of crazy bullshit ways to take down thugs. He can freeze 'em, gas 'em, karate-murder them or hit them with his car.
Superman can punch. He can't even punch well. All he has are haymakers, and he treats every enemy like a clumsy fat guy who can't help but wander into Superman's awkward thrusts. Worse, he's basically god and he has no experience being such; God, at least, knew how to make the cosmos before he started messing with the Jews. Which is, to be fair, kind of like applying to be a kindergarten teacher when your only experience is programming, but at least he had some experience. Superman knows how to farm. He can only stop crime that is right in front of him, because he never took Batman's Patented Detective Course. He probably murders half the purse-snatchers he stops, because he has the power of the sun and no concept of control. At least if he'd signed up for the Y karate class he might've learned not to put his fist through other people's chests.

It's like my pappy always told me

Life is like a box of chocolates, but I have diabetes.



http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/06/nyregion/justice-thomas-d-raffaele-says-police-officer-struck-him.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/gop-lawmaker-sodomy-is-not-a-civil-right/news/2012/05/17/39689
He is so full of shit that his eyes are brown. Makes me wonder if he's really as opposed to buttplay as he claims.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg1tfYOOPGQ&feature=g-upl

Everything is terrible, forever

I did something terrible to Harry Potter.





I'm pretty sure Fred isn't a pedo. I still wouldn't trust anyone with such a van.

Late Facts: the new Batman arrives soon, so I'm watching the first two. Upon review, Begins is still a good movie, but not nearly as good as Dark Knight. Which makes the first time I am aware of that a movie is unfairly compared to its sequel. The two, despite both being made by the same goddam people, are just not in the same league. 

Let's take a vote

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/05/05/us-usa-abortion-arizona-idUSBRE84402Y20120505

http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/exptaking.htm

http://www.salon.com/2012/05/08/us_attack_kills_5_afghan_kids/singleton/?miaou2

http://www.mediaite.com/online/laura-ingraham-angers-fans-by-mocking-adults-who-go-to-the-avengers/
My favorite comment: "I always listen to your radio talk show but this really is uncalled for..." - FOX news can get away with a lot, but fuck with people's nerd shit and the torches come out.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/personal-finance/2012-vs-1984-young-adults-really-do-have-it-harder-today/article2425558/


I was going to do a long thing expounding on my theory about heroes and villains last week, but instead I am writing a short story for you on Saturday.

For YOOUUU.

Late Facts: Forgot North Carolina banned gay marriage. God bless these brave bastards for standing against the homosexual hordes, and let's take a moment of silence... for all those states (including: Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New York, D.C., Iowa, and Washington) which legalized gay marriage, and were subsequently swallowed up by Satan.

Villains are people too

 Links!
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Horowitz

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavoj_%C5%BDi%C5%BEek

http://assange.rt.com/horowitz-zizek-episode-two/ 
The second episode of Assange's show

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gTn323p-w8BJzR8bo9T-tD1jN78A?docId=CNG.ca8bef17738db813c03c40c8f4ba1ed3.321

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2012/04/discovery-channel-crashes-plane-for-documentary.html
Fuck planes

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/google-aware-of-data-scoop-20120429-1xsxx.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6uHR90Sq6k

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/asia-pacific/2012/05/20125315401489187.html

http://www.writingexcuses.com/2011/10/02/writing-excuses-6-18-hollywood-formula/


When villains are too evil

I first noticed this in The Cowboy Way. Woody Harrelson, Jack Bauer, and Winston Zeddimore are rescuing the daughter of an old friend. Said daughter has been kidnapped by a sweatshop owner who specialized in smuggling illegal aliens into New York and then enslaving them. At this point in the movie he's been brought low. His work is gone, he's been exposed, but he could get away and come back for revenge...

If he weren't so dedicated to hanging onto that one girl. He refuses to let her go, even after she becomes a liability. This is what I mean by villains needing their own goals, instead of just opposing the heroes. His goal is to get away, but since he's the bad guy he has to act stupidly evil.

The same is true for Gaston. When Maurice bursts in claiming Belle has been kidnapped by a Beast with huge fangs, fur, so on, no one thinks, "hey, maybe it's a wolf." Worse, seeing as they all think Maurice is crazy, Gaston never even looks for Belle.

      ...that crazy old coot is Belle's father, and his sanity's only so-... Holy shit, I think he killed her and dumped her body in the woods.

Even putting aside the wolf, there's a reasonable chance Maurice, whom everyone agrees is nuts, killed Belle and is trying to divert suspicion. If Gaston were any less lazy, he could track Belle down (as the bar just sang about how awesome at hunting he is) and probably save her before she decides Beast is her friend. Instead, he went straight to villainy.

Throw it into the sun

Links!

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/04/24/north-korea-threatens-to-reduce-seoul-to-ashes-in-less-than-four-minutes-as-tensions-escalate_n_1448057.html
They are adorable

http://phys.org/news/2012-04-japan-astronomers-distant-galaxy-cluster.html

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article11845.htm
An interesting excerpt from a book I now want.

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0657.html