B===D--- A new love story by Shakespeare

My own particular bullshit

A friend recently posted a note that he is dissatisfied with the current political state, and (perhaps jokingly) suggested he would run for president when he is eligible. I know and like this guy (to prerequisites for being friends) and I've thought along similar lines. Why, if America is in such dire straits that we can't get a budget passed without a political showdown, should I not throw my hat in the ring and magically make it all better?

I think this is like the idea people get in their heads when they can make their buddies laugh - "I should go into comedy". "I can talk about politics - maybe I should run for office." And with as much shit as I'll talk about both parties, maybe I should insert money where I've previously only put my mouth.

Hmmm. I guess that homoerotic innuendo fits. Anyone who talks such has tasted at least the tip of the glorious, glittery cock of corporate media politics. And that's the problem. If I went in, as I am now, putting aside the ludicrously low chance of winning (and complete lack of knowledge of how to win) I'd be like a liberal Tea Party. And that's not helpful (the motto of this podcast is, of course, "Fuck it and fuck you").

And if I could put aside my anger and recalcitrance, I'd at best end up like any other politician. I don't like the anti-gay-marriage laws in place, but they're coming down, albeit slowly. That, apparently, is how things work in a democracy. The people support the bad laws their representatives create, until they don't, and then the laws are overturned. As tempting as it would be to try and "fix" everything, even if it were possible (and it's not) it wouldn't be the will of the people. You can't make people be good or kind. At best, you can try to keep them from getting worse.

And that's assuming I didn't become corrupt. I know myself moderately well, and I, like many others, see myself as the hero, never the villain. It's usually not until after the fuck up that I realize I was a real douchetard. And even that level of introspection doesn't fly in politics. You've got to be right, someone else has to be wrong, or you won't stand a chance. And if you can't get elected, not only will your brilliant vision not come to pass, but some bastard's horrible plan will be implemented. So tell a little lie. Exaggerate a bit. It's all for the greater good (and hey, you can make a few bucks off of it).

This, then, is my own particular brand of bullshit; Famous Anus, of course. For all your baking needs.

Update:

Of course, I do think some of my friends are suited for helping run the country well. Here's a prototype campaign poster I thunk up:

He keeps his campaign promises.

I think I is broken

I've talked before about vidyergeeme morals and such, but I think I'm broken now. Spec Ops: the Line started my descent and now Dishonored has destroyed my ability to indiscriminately murder.

It's tough to rationalize.

In Bioshock you have to kill a fuckload of people, but it's cool, they're junkies. They attack you. The choices made are between being a cock and not being a cock (which doesn't actually make you a good person). This is true for most games: the player is thrust into a situation which requires a healthy pile of bodies to surmount.

Spec Ops is the same way, but it asserts that, because you, the player, chose to play the game at all you are fundamentally flawed as a human being. The protagonists have no choice but to follow player commands and the story, but the person behind them loaded that shit up. The story reflects this, as every decision to move forward, to pursue the mission, is met with harsher consequences. You are punished for playing the thing the developers made for you to play, and you deserve it.

Dishonored takes it a step further, or perhaps simply reinforces the terrible feeling I have from killing nameless minions. It's a stealth game, but it doesn't have to be. You can gleefully murder your way through everyday people doing their jobs. They stand in your way, but, as with Spec Ops, the decision to confront them this way makes you awful. I can't play without wandering who I've widowed (something the guards specifically mention), and early on the Outsider gives you a fucking heart that tells you secrets about people. That guy? He wanted to open a gift shop. She makes ten cents an hour and is paying off her father's debts. You're a monster.

There are videogames that don't require you to harm anyone, but they're typically kid games. Violence is a part of the medium, same as with books and movies. What's interesting (and the reason I feel like a bastard) is that you don't feel responsible when Gimli or Legolas decapitate an orc, when Dorothy smooshes the Wicked Witch (or goddam melts her sister). But in a videogame, regardless of what the story requires, the player makes more decisions in the narrative, even if the only decision is to play the character.

Heroin, Frank

I Recently bought FTL, and I really like the writing. Each small encounter has the potential to benefit or destroy you. Choosing to help a civilian ship caught in an asteroid field (Star Wars style) could get you free stuff, repairs, even new crew (something you desperately need). It could also get you nothing, or damage (or destroyed!). Every encounter becomes important, and the writing gives you enough information to fill in the blanks, without making it a huge deal. You feel good for rescuing those chumps. You are dismayed when your ship blows up. Both of these things happen all the time.

And I'd like to see it in another game. A Naked Gun game set in the movie series universe starring Leslie Nielsen. The plots and characters were ridiculous, funny, and over-the-top. Kind of like GTA, except fewer hooker murders.

Which brings me to my second point. In the game, you could play in a GTA-style city, with L.A. Noire-like dialogue choices and side missions. You can go anywhere and do anything. Sometimes the radio directs you to a crime, or you catch 'em as they happen. Apprehending a speeder turns into a cross-city chase on a horse, until the perp accidentally drives into the ocean. The plot is not one, but many - dozens of big businessmen, all of whom are villains at some point (for different reasons). The queen of England comes to town. Shakespeare in the Park. You can investigate or ignore them as you wish, and good or bad things happen according to your choices. And Frank Drebin, the main character, can't figure out clues or solve crimes without player dialogue choices.



I really want this game to be real.

A solution to all problems

Attack.

I don't mean knock motherfuckers out on the street. Those are just random people, and as such, their terrible behavior isn't your problem. The best thing you can do for yourself when someone you don't know pisses you off is to remember they are completely inconsequential to your life. You are the Sun God, giver and destroyer (a healthy shot of ego is necessary), and you don't care for the puny travails and pathetic squabbles of Senor Blue Suit or Captain Cockdouche. Even your hate is wasted on them.

No, the problem is with the people you know and love. And, as with all things, the solution lies in Fight Club. When Edward Norton couldn't stand being an Ikea Neo-Nazi anymore (fashionable but racist), he beat the shit out of himself. Wait: put down the chair and torch. The answer isn't a dread march on your buddy's castle.

I have a friend named Carl, and like many Carls, he can get real uppity. When it got too much, I attacked. Like a wolf in the night, or a fat man crouched in a darkened hallway, I leaped upon his back and bore him to the floor. I will never forget the screaming, but more importantly, neither will he.

Reason is for suckers.

New Feature:
  
THE CULT OF YOUTUBE-SOGGOTH
(nsfw)

Denim is the silent killer

Because it prevents your genital-destroying revenge.







Late Facts: Guess what?

Superlate facts: Chicken butt.

Links!

Given this comic: http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2257

I now want a shirt of a vagina holding an electric guitar and throwing the horns. Underneath: My Pussy Rules.

In pink, motherfuckers.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn22197-bonobo-genius-makes-stone-tools-like-early-humans-did.html - Goddammit, this is where it starts!

http://i.imgur.com/QQSam.gif - and this haunts me

Small Things

So this is kinda awful:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19297373

We have a dramatization of the trial and sentencing.



But in good news:

http://www.privacysos.org/2012/august/pushing_back

Remember that in a democracy the people hold the power. Your elected representatives are not untouchable gods dispensing wisdom and law from on high. You can talk, persuade, and even not fucking vote for them if they screw up. If you don't believe that they are as human as I, or think they have a get-out-of-responsibility-free card just imagine Lindsey Graham masturbating, and then don't do that, ever, Jesus God I wish I hadn't thought of it.

Still, it makes my point.

Sometimes there is no winning

Late Facts: I do not know what a German accent sounds like.

Links!

Gay bar- I was right!

http://www.jpost.com/LandedPages/PrintArticle.aspx?id=281139

Tangerine...- The scene still carries the same emotional weight.

Ladies - I'm pretty sure there's no hope for Eal or myself. NSFW.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNHb3lZobt0 - Definitely not.

http://www.triplepundit.com/2012/08/costco-genuine-retail-csr-leader/ - A genuinely good boss, or Jesus trying to screw with me after I've worked so many minimum wage jobs?

There's no reason for you to read either of these:
http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/zoology/birds/ostrich-meat.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albatross

I'm just kinda on a bird kick.