Everything is terrible, forever

I did something terrible to Harry Potter.





I'm pretty sure Fred isn't a pedo. I still wouldn't trust anyone with such a van.

Late Facts: the new Batman arrives soon, so I'm watching the first two. Upon review, Begins is still a good movie, but not nearly as good as Dark Knight. Which makes the first time I am aware of that a movie is unfairly compared to its sequel. The two, despite both being made by the same goddam people, are just not in the same league. 

Let's take a vote

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/05/05/us-usa-abortion-arizona-idUSBRE84402Y20120505

http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/exptaking.htm

http://www.salon.com/2012/05/08/us_attack_kills_5_afghan_kids/singleton/?miaou2

http://www.mediaite.com/online/laura-ingraham-angers-fans-by-mocking-adults-who-go-to-the-avengers/
My favorite comment: "I always listen to your radio talk show but this really is uncalled for..." - FOX news can get away with a lot, but fuck with people's nerd shit and the torches come out.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/personal-finance/2012-vs-1984-young-adults-really-do-have-it-harder-today/article2425558/


I was going to do a long thing expounding on my theory about heroes and villains last week, but instead I am writing a short story for you on Saturday.

For YOOUUU.

Late Facts: Forgot North Carolina banned gay marriage. God bless these brave bastards for standing against the homosexual hordes, and let's take a moment of silence... for all those states (including: Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New York, D.C., Iowa, and Washington) which legalized gay marriage, and were subsequently swallowed up by Satan.

Villains are people too

 Links!
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Horowitz

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavoj_%C5%BDi%C5%BEek

http://assange.rt.com/horowitz-zizek-episode-two/ 
The second episode of Assange's show

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gTn323p-w8BJzR8bo9T-tD1jN78A?docId=CNG.ca8bef17738db813c03c40c8f4ba1ed3.321

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2012/04/discovery-channel-crashes-plane-for-documentary.html
Fuck planes

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/google-aware-of-data-scoop-20120429-1xsxx.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6uHR90Sq6k

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/asia-pacific/2012/05/20125315401489187.html

http://www.writingexcuses.com/2011/10/02/writing-excuses-6-18-hollywood-formula/


When villains are too evil

I first noticed this in The Cowboy Way. Woody Harrelson, Jack Bauer, and Winston Zeddimore are rescuing the daughter of an old friend. Said daughter has been kidnapped by a sweatshop owner who specialized in smuggling illegal aliens into New York and then enslaving them. At this point in the movie he's been brought low. His work is gone, he's been exposed, but he could get away and come back for revenge...

If he weren't so dedicated to hanging onto that one girl. He refuses to let her go, even after she becomes a liability. This is what I mean by villains needing their own goals, instead of just opposing the heroes. His goal is to get away, but since he's the bad guy he has to act stupidly evil.

The same is true for Gaston. When Maurice bursts in claiming Belle has been kidnapped by a Beast with huge fangs, fur, so on, no one thinks, "hey, maybe it's a wolf." Worse, seeing as they all think Maurice is crazy, Gaston never even looks for Belle.

      ...that crazy old coot is Belle's father, and his sanity's only so-... Holy shit, I think he killed her and dumped her body in the woods.

Even putting aside the wolf, there's a reasonable chance Maurice, whom everyone agrees is nuts, killed Belle and is trying to divert suspicion. If Gaston were any less lazy, he could track Belle down (as the bar just sang about how awesome at hunting he is) and probably save her before she decides Beast is her friend. Instead, he went straight to villainy.

Throw it into the sun

Links!

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/04/24/north-korea-threatens-to-reduce-seoul-to-ashes-in-less-than-four-minutes-as-tensions-escalate_n_1448057.html
They are adorable

http://phys.org/news/2012-04-japan-astronomers-distant-galaxy-cluster.html

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article11845.htm
An interesting excerpt from a book I now want.

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0657.html

Time travel makes me right

I is not a clever man, so I lied. I can't do two shows a week (trying somehow almost prevented me from doing one) so it's back to the old format. The problem is a combination of music (I had twenty songs lined up, listened to them again, and hated all of them; end your songs early! You have a great tune, but ten minutes is too fucking long!) Also, Bill Summerson is dead and recuperating in Florida. He should be back in a week or two.



No news, since Bill is a dead and lazy bastard, so extra links! Many piss me off.

Links

http://www.cnn.com/2012/04/15/opinion/coker-book-publishing/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnn

This chaps my ass. Itunes and various conspire to fix prices on ebooks to prevent  prices from getting too low (courtesy of Amazon) and to encourage print sales. Which makes Amazon the bad guy? Ebooks are necessarily cheaper because they are not a physical product - for the same reason an album on digital download and on cd are not priced the same. When I see an ebook priced at $25 I laugh and find another author who doesn't have his head up his ass.

http://www.npr.org/2012/04/16/150568478/christian-conservatives-poverty-not-government-business
Who gives a shit what Jesus would do. I'm gonna go ahead and call it that no one cares what the Bible says. If Jesus is in favor of absolute capitalism, dirty communism, or the hokey pokey, who gives a shit. Why is this a subject for debate? I'm good with the overall philosophical message, but how many social, economic, and military lessons can we take from a dead man? Say it with me: if Jesus wants something specific done, he can come down here and do it himself. (I am reading Paradise Lost and what surprises me most is how lazy God is. He knows everything, but can't get off his ass to stop the guy he created from corrupting his new creation. I guess Jersey Shore was on).

http://www.npr.org/2012/04/16/150563229/double-take-toons-doomsday-drones 
a good example of why political cartoons are dumber than a box of hammers. The first isn't so bad - Obama's drone happy! Fair enough. But did you need to put all the fucking markers on there? Did you have no faith in your audience?
And the bottom one makes no fucking sense. What the fuck is wrong with his teeth and fingers? What is the goddam message here?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDLXPpooA18&feature=player_embedded
I mock Anderson Cooper specifically, and all the news outlets, for being useless blabbing lumps, but I have to agree with this guy (http://www.salon.com/2012/04/18/attacks_on_rt_and_assange_reveal_much_about_the_critics/singleton/?miaou) that sometimes mocking them doesn't really do their uselessness justice. The day Assange (who had the baffling label of traitor, despite not being American) aired his show, CNN spent all day mooning over Dick Clark's corpse. I'm sure he was great, but did you really need to call in the guy who walked Clark's dog that one time?

Late Facts: I've never seen a birth, so I picture it as a disgusting slip-n-slide.

Superlate Facts: Codex Alera is like Narnia, but with rape and crucifixions. 

I is not a clever man

Second try, pretty sure I don't have any spelling errors. Ye can enbiggen the text below, make it full-screen and fanciful.

Murder-Whisper Free

Doing two of these in a week is harder than I expected.





Bill mentions it in the News, but am I the only other person creeped out that someone put a bounty on Zimmerman's head? Is that something we do now? If so, I could get out of my student loans easy-peasy. I wouldn't be able to pay the bounty, of course, which would create a vicious cycle of bounties placed and lack of funds generating more bounties. We could make a bounty economy, guys.

Late facts: the creepy girl in Case 39 is the same one from Silent Hill. I'd worry she's being type-cast, but she's being type-cast as the devil. And she fits the part.

Superlate facts: I'll upload a short-short story (in pdf form if I can figure it out) on Saturday. If ye want it, you can have it.