Showing posts with label News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label News. Show all posts

May 5, 2013

You asked, we answered... eventually

Yay, podcast



American Innovation - I think this is the article James - JR references, which is troubling. Because it's the Onion, and this indicates my new correspondent is not the best at differentiating between fact and fiction. Which makes his "I may or may not be a fictional character" comment less amusing, and more ominous.

October 10, 2012

B===D--- A new love story by Shakespeare





My own particular bullshit

A friend recently posted a note that he is dissatisfied with the current political state, and (perhaps jokingly) suggested he would run for president when he is eligible. I know and like this guy (to prerequisites for being friends) and I've thought along similar lines. Why, if America is in such dire straits that we can't get a budget passed without a political showdown, should I not throw my hat in the ring and magically make it all better?

I think this is like the idea people get in their heads when they can make their buddies laugh - "I should go into comedy". "I can talk about politics - maybe I should run for office." And with as much shit as I'll talk about both parties, maybe I should insert money where I've previously only put my mouth.

Hmmm. I guess that homoerotic innuendo fits. Anyone who talks such has tasted at least the tip of the glorious, glittery cock of corporate media politics. And that's the problem. If I went in, as I am now, putting aside the ludicrously low chance of winning (and complete lack of knowledge of how to win) I'd be like a liberal Tea Party. And that's not helpful (the motto of this podcast is, of course, "Fuck it and fuck you").

And if I could put aside my anger and recalcitrance, I'd at best end up like any other politician. I don't like the anti-gay-marriage laws in place, but they're coming down, albeit slowly. That, apparently, is how things work in a democracy. The people support the bad laws their representatives create, until they don't, and then the laws are overturned. As tempting as it would be to try and "fix" everything, even if it were possible (and it's not) it wouldn't be the will of the people. You can't make people be good or kind. At best, you can try to keep them from getting worse.

And that's assuming I didn't become corrupt. I know myself moderately well, and I, like many others, see myself as the hero, never the villain. It's usually not until after the fuck up that I realize I was a real douchetard. And even that level of introspection doesn't fly in politics. You've got to be right, someone else has to be wrong, or you won't stand a chance. And if you can't get elected, not only will your brilliant vision not come to pass, but some bastard's horrible plan will be implemented. So tell a little lie. Exaggerate a bit. It's all for the greater good (and hey, you can make a few bucks off of it).

This, then, is my own particular brand of bullshit; Famous Anus, of course. For all your baking needs.

Update:

Of course, I do think some of my friends are suited for helping run the country well. Here's a prototype campaign poster I thunk up:

He keeps his campaign promises.

August 16, 2012

Sometimes there is no winning




Late Facts: I do not know what a German accent sounds like.

Links!

Gay bar- I was right!

http://www.jpost.com/LandedPages/PrintArticle.aspx?id=281139

Tangerine...- The scene still carries the same emotional weight.

Ladies - I'm pretty sure there's no hope for Eal or myself. NSFW.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNHb3lZobt0 - Definitely not.

http://www.triplepundit.com/2012/08/costco-genuine-retail-csr-leader/ - A genuinely good boss, or Jesus trying to screw with me after I've worked so many minimum wage jobs?

There's no reason for you to read either of these:
http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/zoology/birds/ostrich-meat.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albatross

I'm just kinda on a bird kick.


August 8, 2012

Good news, everyone!

Jen and Phil are getting married! And Jen has asked for ideas (on Facebook). In my neverending quest to destroy... everything, I guess, I present Things to make your awesome wedding even awesomer.

Rings are overrated. I said it, and I'll say it again, goddammit. Just ask J.R.R. Tolkien, a man who hated rings so much he killed a midget just to get rid of his. In a volcano. So right off the bat, bam, venue. A free venue. I'm pretty sure they can't charge you to have the ceremony beside a boiling cauldron of heat and doom.

And rings are a pain, too. Easy to lose, symbolic only, and if you need a symbol, go full retard. Push your Ringbearer into the volcano. It says you are so committed you will kill for your spouse, and it builds a hell of a lot more trust than falling into each other's arms.

This part is for Jen only, so Phil, stop reading. I have a gun, Phil; don't let me catch your eyes south of this line.

Jen: Phil is a nerd. This gives you numerous ways to destroy his morale and sanity. I'll just mention one, but it's a doozy. Check out this website: http://nooooooooooooooo.com/

Hook a laptop up to the sound system, and when the "Jen do you take this man..." bit arrives, push the button. Say yes after, obviously, but have a camera ready. Phil will be the most traumatized he'll ever be at that moment, and you need a keepsake to show the kids the time you made daddy shit his pants.



Superheroes, and Civil War particularly, are interesting because they have enough power to stand up to the government. It's why their treated with a mix of enthusiasm and trepidation. Spiderman can save you from a mugging - but he can also toss your car at the Green Goblin. The heroes battle villains, providing a valuable service to the country - SWAT doesn't want to take on Venom - but they can also overthrow the country (as seen in The Justice League cartoon, "Justice Lords"). And I think it's important because, if you want to deal with the government - if you don't like the choice of Mitt Romney or Barack Obama - we the people need some kind of power to give our arguments weight.

Links!
NSFW, but awesome. The second one especially if you're a book nerd.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_ZL8HXbHQo

http://claytoncubitt.tumblr.com/post/28527147496

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/kylie-woon-surreal-ity - SFW

Horrible jokes have been around forever

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/30/babylonian-yo-mama-joke_n_1242617.html

That's my justification for this.

A train leaves Minneapolis. If it travels at sixty miles an hour and your mother's a whore, how much can she make before reaching Boston?

August 2, 2012

'At'll do, pig

I hope "'At'll do, pig", eventually replaces "I'm proud of you." I'm going to use it on my kids, and tell them no other parent does because they don't truly love their children.



Links!

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/pigs - Swine!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czKq9H0tSCo
Extended Cut DLC Hidden Refusal Ending

http://www.cbc.ca/news/yourcommunity/2012/07/human-immortality-could-be-possible-by-2045-say-russian-scientists.html - Given immortality, I would immediately turn my thoughts to destroying humanity.

Eal sent some dispatches:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f0 - "He looked at it, and to him it explained the stars."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Honw9i_m9hI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qzo4rZxF3x4

July 28, 2012

Right in the beanbag





Links!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VGjA66RSm0
I don't know why, but it's hypnotic.

http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/07/24/12924509-obama-presents-voters-with-the-choice?lite#.UA6hEnAygxw.reddit - a review of a review of Obama's campaign ad. I think this is what Jesus meant when he said, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/24/wes-harris-arizona-tea-party_n_1697793.html - "No, see, it's not racist. She's muslim."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ot9JtiHhiU
I fell asleep halfway through Return. This happened, right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jKWJZsjm5U
How awesome would a Superman-Deadliest Catch combo movie be?

Both of these last two links are disturbing (the first more than the second); read and watch anyway.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rebeccaelliott/horror-hospital-the-most-shocking-photos-and-test?mrefid=twitter

http://oversight.house.gov/hearing/dawood-national-military-hospital-afghanistan-what-happened-and-what-went-wrong/

July 20, 2012

What the hell is a chickenfaggot?




Links!
http://www.teako170.com/knight.html - goodman Jeremah turned me onto this.

http://www.cracked.com/video_17813_what-kid-from-a-christmas-story-would-be-like-at-23.html - funny series of videos.

http://www.salon.com/2012/07/18/killing_our_monsters_salpar/ -  there's a big difference between discussing something because you think the discussion is important - like goodman Jeremah - and discussing it because you can.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC8dSmNosLY - buttsex

http://news.yahoo.com/judge-man-stripped-nude-airport-not-guilty-224222940.html
One of the arguments against: "Any person naked for any purpose will be able to say it was protected speech,". Apparently he can't tell the difference between a pedo flashing toddlers ("I hate playgrounds!") and a guy protesting the TSA molesting his testicles.

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/07/12/how-i-lost-my-fear-universal-health-care - I'll save you some time if you don't feel like reading: "I used to be stupid. I'm still mostly stupid, but I've learned that, if something directly benefits me, it might be good."

Late Facts: I got the idea about Batman from a dream I had. I was cramming 8 hours of rest into 2, before I went to work, and that tends to send my dreams in weird directions. Batman killed a midget clown, then watched a musical (he murdered the clown on a stage) from the rafters. The body remained throughout the musical.

July 14, 2012

Jesus broke my chair

What the shit, Lamb of Hosts?



The link to the wrong guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YI7Oq8y-jXA

The Links!

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/carol-jean-price-accused-groping-tsa-agent-florida-woman-demonstrating-treatment-received-article-1.1098521 - HAHAHAHA!
I don't fly, but if I do in the future, I hope I get patted down while I've got an erection. If you think this is unfair, remember I was a janitor; in any job, you've gotta deal with some shit. Or boners. Shit-boners.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJ4T9CQA0UM - Awesome

http://www.jewishpress.com/news/israel/florida-dnc-member-resigns-over-leaked-anti-israel-emails/2012/07/10/ - the best part: '"She's horrible," said Dan Liftman... "She could really harm the President and Debbie Wasserman Schultz."'

https://www.eff.org/press/releases/three-nsa-whistleblowers-back-effs-lawsuit-over-governments-massive-spying-program

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ainyK6fXku0 - Double Awesome! And... Itunes does not have the album. Damn you, Steve Jobs's ghost!

Morality in videogames needs to go. DA did it right, by basing it on the characters around you, rather than an invisible judge that saw all (though this still resulted in stupid evil). Most do it wrong, as in inFAMOUS 2. The evil option is to beat up people who help you. Being good means stopping muggings. And while both are good, it should probably take a back seat to saving the goddam world.

Aside from realism, however, the problem with morality in games is lack of subtlety. This is understandable. Even in books, which have been around forever, you find protagonists who do good (always and forever) and villains who walk in and announce, "I'll be your antagonist this evening. Would you prefer a dead loved one or a short bout of torture?" In a relatively new medium like games, it's not surprising that, when I play an evil character, I scream "EVIL!" as I jump off the building and send cars, innocents, and maybe a few bad guys flying to their doom.

But it's gotta go. In Knights of the Old Republic (and the original inFAMOUS) a lifetimes work of evil could be undone by one decision. I mean literal horns and a penchant for baby tacos, tossed away because you decided not to be a douche that once. It didn't make sense, but it was serviceable. The end to inFAMOUS 2, however, is not. The player has a "choice" of endings, good and evil, but he must be aligned with that choice. I chose evil (sort of) early on, but because of that I could not take the "good" ending. Even though it made more sense for the character. It limits the story, and screws the player out of "their" character. If morality has to be done, use the Dragon Age or Mass Effect model - decisions reflected in your party, or a guideline that determines how your character behaves when not under direct player control.  

Late facts: if there is another Superman movie (and there should be, goddammit), then instead of the bullshit uplifting trumpets, Superman should have this battlecry: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwrel&NR=1&v=mp2IZbKBwCI Right? Best Superman Ever.

Superlate facts: I abuse the "facts" part of this section.

Stupid jokes (for YOU)

What is the name of the famous artist/soccerist?

Vincent Van GOOAAALLL

July 7, 2012

Hail Discordia! The way to the Tower opens!

Shazamed up for your pleasure.



The Link!

http://www.notstarring.com/actors/connery-sean - I would sit through the whole shit-fest of Matrix 2 and 3 again, just to see Sean Connery tell Neo to go fuck himself.

Late facts: the temperature thing, while impressive, is made slightly less so (very slightly) when you realize the core of the sun is "cooler" than the corona.

Superlate facts: it's hard to take your news website seriously when you have a large-breasted woman (or man) telling me to "stoke the fires of rrrrevolution" (rolled r's implied).

Stupid jokes: for YOU

What do you tell a Canadian who won't shut up?

Shut your eh-hole.

BAM


June 21, 2012

Google it, damn you!




http://www.zmescience.com/space/oldest-galaxy-in-universe-12-billion-years-old-432143/
The idea of a chronologically disparate universe interests me. If you could travel to this galaxy instantly and look at earth, you wouldn't see the earth as it is now. If light took 12 billion years to reach us, then our light took the same amount of time to reach that galaxy. You would have a window into the past of our galaxy.
What if you could do the reverse? What if, instead of seeing light from the beginning of the universe, you could see the darkness from the end?

I rewatched the Matrix recently, and something bugged me. After the first movie, Neo is set up as Jesus. His sacrifice is put up as an ad at the Superbowl about halfway through the second movie. It's weird, but I can deal with it. What bugs me is, with all the biblical references and half-assed philosophical ramblings, where is Neo's temptation? Christ spent some time with Big D in the desert, and Neo... nothing. Gets off without ever wanting to use his awesome powers just to smash an uppity mortal's face in. Even though it's the first (and for some, only) thing we'd think of, if put in the same situation. And since Neo is an Everyman (I hate the term, but he is) for the audience to project themselves onto, at least the desire to fuck things up should have been included.



Links

http://bustygirlcomics.com/post/25230152165/soup-shelf
I can (sort-of) relate, as a fat man. My shelf is my belly.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/9314031/Man-jailed-after-bragging-I-think-I-got-away-with-it-on-Facebook.html#
It's hard to complain about an Orwellian surveillance state when they walk into it.

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/oregon-man-suffering-plague-critical-condition-article-1.1094782

Late facts: the bit about seeing the end of the universe is bullshit, but I still think it would be cool. Damn you, Science!

Super-late facts: I can eat six of the eight pieces of a large pizza. I finish the last two out of spite. 


May 10, 2012

Let's take a vote









http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/05/05/us-usa-abortion-arizona-idUSBRE84402Y20120505

http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/exptaking.htm

http://www.salon.com/2012/05/08/us_attack_kills_5_afghan_kids/singleton/?miaou2

http://www.mediaite.com/online/laura-ingraham-angers-fans-by-mocking-adults-who-go-to-the-avengers/
My favorite comment: "I always listen to your radio talk show but this really is uncalled for..." - FOX news can get away with a lot, but fuck with people's nerd shit and the torches come out.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/personal-finance/2012-vs-1984-young-adults-really-do-have-it-harder-today/article2425558/


I was going to do a long thing expounding on my theory about heroes and villains last week, but instead I am writing a short story for you on Saturday.

For YOOUUU.

Late Facts: Forgot North Carolina banned gay marriage. God bless these brave bastards for standing against the homosexual hordes, and let's take a moment of silence... for all those states (including: Vermont, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New York, D.C., Iowa, and Washington) which legalized gay marriage, and were subsequently swallowed up by Satan.

May 4, 2012

Villains are people too






 Links!
 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Horowitz

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavoj_%C5%BDi%C5%BEek

http://assange.rt.com/horowitz-zizek-episode-two/ 
The second episode of Assange's show

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gTn323p-w8BJzR8bo9T-tD1jN78A?docId=CNG.ca8bef17738db813c03c40c8f4ba1ed3.321

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2012/04/discovery-channel-crashes-plane-for-documentary.html
Fuck planes

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/google-aware-of-data-scoop-20120429-1xsxx.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6uHR90Sq6k

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/asia-pacific/2012/05/20125315401489187.html

http://www.writingexcuses.com/2011/10/02/writing-excuses-6-18-hollywood-formula/


When villains are too evil

I first noticed this in The Cowboy Way. Woody Harrelson, Jack Bauer, and Winston Zeddimore are rescuing the daughter of an old friend. Said daughter has been kidnapped by a sweatshop owner who specialized in smuggling illegal aliens into New York and then enslaving them. At this point in the movie he's been brought low. His work is gone, he's been exposed, but he could get away and come back for revenge...

If he weren't so dedicated to hanging onto that one girl. He refuses to let her go, even after she becomes a liability. This is what I mean by villains needing their own goals, instead of just opposing the heroes. His goal is to get away, but since he's the bad guy he has to act stupidly evil.

The same is true for Gaston. When Maurice bursts in claiming Belle has been kidnapped by a Beast with huge fangs, fur, so on, no one thinks, "hey, maybe it's a wolf." Worse, seeing as they all think Maurice is crazy, Gaston never even looks for Belle.


      ...that crazy old coot is Belle's father, and his sanity's only so-... Holy shit, I think he killed her and dumped her body in the woods.

Even putting aside the wolf, there's a reasonable chance Maurice, whom everyone agrees is nuts, killed Belle and is trying to divert suspicion. If Gaston were any less lazy, he could track Belle down (as the bar just sang about how awesome at hunting he is) and probably save her before she decides Beast is her friend. Instead, he went straight to villainy.

April 20, 2012

Time travel makes me right

I is not a clever man, so I lied. I can't do two shows a week (trying somehow almost prevented me from doing one) so it's back to the old format. The problem is a combination of music (I had twenty songs lined up, listened to them again, and hated all of them; end your songs early! You have a great tune, but ten minutes is too fucking long!) Also, Bill Summerson is dead and recuperating in Florida. He should be back in a week or two.



No news, since Bill is a dead and lazy bastard, so extra links! Many piss me off.

Links

This chaps my ass. Itunes and various conspire to fix prices on ebooks to prevent  prices from getting too low (courtesy of Amazon) and to encourage print sales. Which makes Amazon the bad guy? Ebooks are necessarily cheaper because they are not a physical product - for the same reason an album on digital download and on cd are not priced the same. When I see an ebook priced at $25 I laugh and find another author who doesn't have his head up his ass.

http://www.npr.org/2012/04/16/150568478/christian-conservatives-poverty-not-government-business
Who gives a shit what Jesus would do. I'm gonna go ahead and call it that no one cares what the Bible says. If Jesus is in favor of absolute capitalism, dirty communism, or the hokey pokey, who gives a shit. Why is this a subject for debate? I'm good with the overall philosophical message, but how many social, economic, and military lessons can we take from a dead man? Say it with me: if Jesus wants something specific done, he can come down here and do it himself. (I am reading Paradise Lost and what surprises me most is how lazy God is. He knows everything, but can't get off his ass to stop the guy he created from corrupting his new creation. I guess Jersey Shore was on).

http://www.npr.org/2012/04/16/150563229/double-take-toons-doomsday-drones 
a good example of why political cartoons are dumber than a box of hammers. The first isn't so bad - Obama's drone happy! Fair enough. But did you need to put all the fucking markers on there? Did you have no faith in your audience?
And the bottom one makes no fucking sense. What the fuck is wrong with his teeth and fingers? What is the goddam message here?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDLXPpooA18&feature=player_embedded
I mock Anderson Cooper specifically, and all the news outlets, for being useless blabbing lumps, but I have to agree with this guy (http://www.salon.com/2012/04/18/attacks_on_rt_and_assange_reveal_much_about_the_critics/singleton/?miaou) that sometimes mocking them doesn't really do their uselessness justice. The day Assange (who had the baffling label of traitor, despite not being American) aired his show, CNN spent all day mooning over Dick Clark's corpse. I'm sure he was great, but did you really need to call in the guy who walked Clark's dog that one time?

Late Facts: I've never seen a birth, so I picture it as a disgusting slip-n-slide.

Superlate Facts: Codex Alera is like Narnia, but with rape and crucifixions. 

April 12, 2012

Murder-Whisper Free

Doing two of these in a week is harder than I expected.





Bill mentions it in the News, but am I the only other person creeped out that someone put a bounty on Zimmerman's head? Is that something we do now? If so, I could get out of my student loans easy-peasy. I wouldn't be able to pay the bounty, of course, which would create a vicious cycle of bounties placed and lack of funds generating more bounties. We could make a bounty economy, guys.

Late facts: the creepy girl in Case 39 is the same one from Silent Hill. I'd worry she's being type-cast, but she's being type-cast as the devil. And she fits the part.

Superlate facts: I'll upload a short-short story (in pdf form if I can figure it out) on Saturday. If ye want it, you can have it.

April 5, 2012

Kill da wabbit

After a two week hiatus, that we may never know the cause for, the show returns.





The links:
http://blogs.aljazeera.com/asia/2012/03/19/no-one-asked-their-names

http://www.businessinsider.com/rogue-shooting-sparks-disgust-from-service-members-2012-3

http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Thompson,_Jr
I used this one to prove that there are good people who try to do the right thing. As easy as it is to sometimes believe the world is shit, there are people who try.

Things I am angry about:
http://killingthebuddha.com/mag/dispatch/religion-island/

Late facts: sometimes I do edit, and now is one of those times. Check out the link above, and ignore my earlier angry rant. It's a good article, and while I disagree with the assertion that science can't inspire art, the author has an interesting point.

March 7, 2012

God burns down bars for the insurance

I had a really awkward moment tonight - the kind that only occurs in your head, but seems no less weird for that - when I realized John McCain has a hot wife. I would nail Cindy McCain. I didn't know anything about his wife prior to this, and didn't expect to find her attractive - I assumed McCain's wife looked like him, but with long hair. She does not.

The rant might be a little weird. I am running low on sleep, and am disturbed by what I read. I want to be supportive to people who face prejudices they shouldn't have to - especially kids. I invited people going through gay-bashing and general hatred to leave comments or email me, and I will try to be supportive, but I know it sounds sketchy as hell. I wouldn't trust random internet guy, either. But find someone who you can commiserate with. The sort of friend who will support you, and help you, no matter what, is something everyone should have.
And keep trying to make the world a better place.




The Links:

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/one-towns-war-on-gay-teens-20120202
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/mar/07/muslim-african-nations-un-gay-rights - Hey. Assholes. This is who you look like - psychos who want to kill people based on arbitrary bullshit - when you pull stuff like in the first article. Knock it off. History, if you're concerned for nothing else, is not kind to the assholes.
You're the asshole, is my point.

Tonight's episode is dedicated to those who go "full retard", for good or ill. At least ya'll are having a good time, as you slowly try to destroy happiness.

Late Facts: Religion does not make you good. Religion is not good. Good people can make a good religion. Religion cannot make good people. 
One of the creepiest thing about The Man in the High Tower is, unlike 1984, the world is recognizable. People are Nazis, racists, and horrible people in general, but they are familiar. Aside from being Nazis, they could be neighbors. What does this say for our world?