May 29, 2013

Mine was better than yours!

Another installment in the heartpounding: Fuck it, I'm busy.

Netflix has set out to stream my childhood to me for a small monthly fee, and it's awesome. Along with Batman Beyond (the best Batproduct outside of Batman: The animated series), Justice League is available, and after watching the first three episodes ("Secret Origins") I can say it's still awesome, and considerably more weird than I remember.

With that said, here's the summary:

Batman investigates goings-on at SETI, and is beaten up by Martin Lawrence. Superman shows up and gets stomped because he's in the same frame with Batman, and no one looks cooler than the Batman. Superman forgets he was a liability in the fight and offers help again if Batman ever needs it.

The plot of War of the Worlds happens, complete with Tripods, and that draws the League together. The Martian Manhunter gets Batman killed then magics him back alive, while Superman and Hawkgirl get captured. Then everyone else gets captured, and Superman forgets he has laser vision. A Metroid appears and tentacle rapes the Manhunter, but Batman magics the aliens with science. Superman remembers he has laser vision and frees everyone, and they murder the Metroid. Because kids are dumb, and the do not kill rule only applies to people people.

Batman embezzles billions to build the Watchtower, and then decides he doesn't want it. The rest of the heroes convert to Jehovah's Witnesses and pledge to convert any aliens in the neighborhood.

The end! (...?)

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