August 8, 2012

Good news, everyone!

Jen and Phil are getting married! And Jen has asked for ideas (on Facebook). In my neverending quest to destroy... everything, I guess, I present Things to make your awesome wedding even awesomer.

Rings are overrated. I said it, and I'll say it again, goddammit. Just ask J.R.R. Tolkien, a man who hated rings so much he killed a midget just to get rid of his. In a volcano. So right off the bat, bam, venue. A free venue. I'm pretty sure they can't charge you to have the ceremony beside a boiling cauldron of heat and doom.

And rings are a pain, too. Easy to lose, symbolic only, and if you need a symbol, go full retard. Push your Ringbearer into the volcano. It says you are so committed you will kill for your spouse, and it builds a hell of a lot more trust than falling into each other's arms.

This part is for Jen only, so Phil, stop reading. I have a gun, Phil; don't let me catch your eyes south of this line.

Jen: Phil is a nerd. This gives you numerous ways to destroy his morale and sanity. I'll just mention one, but it's a doozy. Check out this website:

Hook a laptop up to the sound system, and when the "Jen do you take this man..." bit arrives, push the button. Say yes after, obviously, but have a camera ready. Phil will be the most traumatized he'll ever be at that moment, and you need a keepsake to show the kids the time you made daddy shit his pants.

Superheroes, and Civil War particularly, are interesting because they have enough power to stand up to the government. It's why their treated with a mix of enthusiasm and trepidation. Spiderman can save you from a mugging - but he can also toss your car at the Green Goblin. The heroes battle villains, providing a valuable service to the country - SWAT doesn't want to take on Venom - but they can also overthrow the country (as seen in The Justice League cartoon, "Justice Lords"). And I think it's important because, if you want to deal with the government - if you don't like the choice of Mitt Romney or Barack Obama - we the people need some kind of power to give our arguments weight.

NSFW, but awesome. The second one especially if you're a book nerd. - SFW

Horrible jokes have been around forever

That's my justification for this.

A train leaves Minneapolis. If it travels at sixty miles an hour and your mother's a whore, how much can she make before reaching Boston?

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